Trauma of Sexual Harassment and Assault

Welcome to The Secret of Life programme. This programme, in the light of the Holy Gospel, helps you to make fundamental changes in your life. I greet all of you, beloveds of the Lord. Welcome, as we have another opportunity to be your guests or for you to be our guests, and to share with each other about trauma and the wounds of the heart.

Today, Brother Arli is with us. He is here, and we will carry on this programme together. Brother Arli, hello and welcome. Hello, Daniel, it’s great to be here with you, and I also extend greetings to all the viewers. I hope you are well wherever you are today; may you be at peace, and welcome so we can have a conversation together.

Excellent. We have started a series together regarding the theme of trauma. Throughout the programme, we have mentioned several times that this programme is helpful, informative, and enlightening. It can assist us in exploring the topic of trauma, understanding what it is or what it is not, and what steps we can take.

So, we are here as a team that can advance this discussion, talk about various materials found in the Bible, or in today’s world regarding the treatment of these conditions. We are doing this work. However, we are not specialists or psychiatrists or psychologists. And dear ones, if you have faced such issues or experienced such conditions, this can be a good start towards gaining understanding, seeking out, and taking steps on the path of healing.

Brothers, today we want to, as per our usual routine, start with a story from the Bible regarding this topic of trauma. But first, we will follow biblical stories and focus on another topic before we move on to the next part.

The topic we want to discuss first is about whether sexual desire is a good feeling or a sin, and how God created it, and how this good feeling can turn into a fire that can destroy a family or harm society. The story we have chosen is from the book of 2 Samuel in the Old Testament, concerning David and Bathsheba. David was the king of Israel and a prophet as well. Our Muslim friends emphasise that prophets are infallible, but the Bible does not try to hide their sins; it does not claim that they are without sin or infallible; rather, it shows who they are.

So, our story centers on David and Bathsheba in 2 Samuel chapter 11, where David, a man after God's own heart, is not shielded from his weaknesses in the Bible. It describes a spring season when David's soldiers went to war while he remained at home, distancing himself from the battlefield in Jerusalem. One evening, he was walking on the roof of his house and looked down at the house of his neighbour or the places where the people who worked with him, or his commanders, lived. He saw a woman bathing and attempted to invite her to his house.

Brothers, do you think David sinned at that first glance? Well, let’s go back to how he ended up on the palace roof. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been there; he should have been with God's people in battle. We think it would have been better if he had been focused elsewhere. But merely looking or seeing is not a sin. Where does sin begin? It starts here: when he becomes attracted and begins to pay attention to her. Perhaps he gazes at her and lusts after her, then he inquires about who she is, where she is from, and how she is, and he seeks her out. What do we see there?

We see that this desire, which we will elaborate on later, is a gift from God; it is good in its place. Here, David allows this desire to lead to temptation, and temptation prevails, and thus sin begins. It is true that the Bible does not hide the sins of the prophets, but later we will see what happens. When we confront this situation, we see that David places himself in a position where he breaks two commandments: one commandment from the Ten Commandments, which is "You shall not commit adultery," and another commandment that says "You shall not covet your neighbour's wife." David breaks both of these.

He sends for Bathsheba and sleeps with her, and then concocts a darker plan after Bathsheba becomes pregnant. David devises a scheme to have Bathsheba's husband, Uriah, killed so he can take her as his own. We see that this story unfolds and becomes worse and darker. Uriah was a noble man who was in battle, yet David allows himself to betray even his own commander. This can be very difficult to comprehend. Yes, because power has its influence, and people remain silent; perhaps it seems like everything is over. People are silent, and Uriah’s husband has been killed; for now, the child belongs to David's wife. But God does not remain silent, and He sends another prophet named Nathan. God tells Nathan to go to David, and Nathan tells him a story—a very simple story that serves as a mirror to reflect David’s actions back at him. Nathan tells David, "You are the man; you are the guilty one." He also gives a shocking proclamation, saying, "The sword will never depart from your house," meaning that this indulgence will cause a long and deep wound throughout the house and the entire nation.

So here we see how this incident has lasting repercussions. This can help us as we can delve deeper into how this damage enters society and how it affects a household. Bathsheba is wronged, and in a sense, her situation is an assault. She cannot prevent the king's desires, and Uriah is killed, and she loses her child. Yet God does not remain silent; Nathan confronts David with the word of God, delivering a stern rebuke, telling him that the sword will never leave his house.

But the good part is that David is eventually compelled to acknowledge his sin, and Psalm 51 takes shape, where he pleads, "Create in me a clean heart, O God." It’s truly a beautiful psalm, showing how David realises he is a sinner and confesses to God. When we see that this damage starts with one person, yes, this damage transfers to society, and even David’s children are not exempt, nor is the society over which David reigns; they too become entangled in this. This incident, or this uncontrolled sexual desire, unchecked and unmanaged, impacts the lives of others and society profoundly.

And perhaps the question arises: Is this natural sexual desire bad, Daniel? Let me say, I want you to respond to this. This is indeed a very important question because it is a universal issue. But when we read the Bible, from the beginning, we read about creation, how God created man and woman. And how does He create man? He creates male and female. It is good.

Thus, this sexual desire given to men and women is from God; it is sacred. It is beautiful and holy. But where is it sacred? Within the framework of marriage. We read in Genesis how beautiful it is. That is why, when both male and female are created, it states that a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. We read that Adam and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

So here we see that there is purity and beauty within the framework of marriage, which is from God. Even elsewhere in Hebrews in the New Testament, we read that marriage is honourable, and the marriage bed is undefiled. But where is the problem? The problem is not in the desire or sexual feeling itself because it is natural. The problem lies in excess, in hedonism, and in lust. It breaks out of the framework. For example, think of sulphur; we have sulphur here. We can look at sulphur in a container. Well, that is something; thus, sulphur is not useful. We can use sulphur for something. It’s up to us.

But in sulphur, there is a power. And what can this power be? It can be destructive or very beneficial. So, what do we do with it? We must use it correctly within a structured system. So, this desire and feeling can also be a power, a drive.

How is this used? Within the framework of marriage, where its beauty lies. When you step outside of that, it runs amok. Things break apart; it becomes destructive. It is just as you pointed out. You made a very good example, Brother Arli. Sulphur can be very useful in the right place. But in other places, it can burn a house down or destroy a community. If a society cannot maintain its sexual purity or does not have a source to address the fact that sexual desire in the framework of family is a sacred gift, it can give profound meaning to marital life.

It is very deep and can add profound meaning to love and affection. Not only can it add depth, but it can also nurture a generation that lives in purity. We all want that; we all desire that. Absolutely. But if a man or, God forbid, a woman cannot manage this sexual desire, cannot control it, and does not adhere to the sacred framework that God has set, we have a society characterised by distrust, brokenness, infidelity, and everyone betraying one another. This society cannot function as a community that God desires.

There is another verse in the book of James, from verses 14 to 15, which I won’t read, but the essence of this verse states that when desire is conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin brings forth death, which not only affects the individual but also enters the community. Yes, when it enters society, it creates wounds, exactly as it creates a wound in the life of an individual, and this life can be destroyed, but it can also impact the community.

Now, if we want to take the little time we have left to move on to the next part or the next story, we can look at another character in the Bible who managed this sexual desire and the feeling that God placed within him, leading him to a place where he saved many. That story is about Joseph. Joseph’s story is incredibly significant and is repeated many times, always providing valuable lessons. Joseph is wronged by his brothers and becomes a refugee in Egypt, where he lives in the house of Potiphar and his wife, Zuleikha.

In Joseph's story, we see that he has a different approach and behaves differently. Yes, he is a servant in the house of Potiphar, one of the high-ranking officials in Egypt, and he works diligently there. Potiphar entrusts all authority in the house to Joseph, who works faithfully. But Potiphar’s wife, Zuleikha, as noted in Persian culture, sees Joseph and calls him to her room. She tells him to come to her.

So what does Joseph do? What is Joseph's response? It’s a good question. Joseph, being about 17 or 18 years old, is still a young man, but he has two strong anchors in his life. One is integrity, and he asks, “How can I do this great wickedness and sin against my master?” This is one anchor. The other anchor is the fear of God; he understands that God sees him. He says, “How can I commit such wickedness and sin against God?”

Joseph does not say, “Well, maybe no one else will see us.” He does not say that. He says, “God sees us, and I cannot sin against Him.” So what does he do? He runs away. He does not discuss it; he does not ponder the situation of sin. Sometimes it is necessary to flee from such situations. He does not overthink it or provide excuses, saying, “Well, she asked me, and I was just a servant.” He finds a way to remain faithful and obedient to God.

So when we look at these two stories and the two characters, we see two different approaches. One person can control and manage their God-given feelings and becomes someone who can save many—Joseph, who saves many around him. The other is like David, who, despite being a king and a prophet, falls into a moral collapse.

So two different approaches yield different outcomes. This raises the question for us: what is our approach to these God-given feelings? How do we respond? Can we harness them and transform them into meaningful feelings within the framework of marriage and purity, or do we allow them to turn into uncontrollable feelings that we exploit, harming ourselves and others?

We have a little time left in the first part, but now let’s go to the next part, which is the discussion on the wounds of the heart, which is indeed a very important topic. We see that sin and Jesus can heal many wounds.

Yes, excellent. So stay with us; we will take a short break and return to continue this discussion.

We will continue our discussion after a short break. You are the good shepherd, you are the way, you are our God. You are the good shepherd, you are the way, you are our God. The good shepherd is here to guide us. The good shepherd is here to guide us in our needs. The waters of refreshing flow from Jesus, our Lord. The waters of refreshing flow from Jesus, our Lord.

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And to transform you into lust and sin, which can harm both the individual and society. In this section, we want to explore how we can understand this love from the perspective of pathology, heart wounds, or the concept of trauma.

Brother Arli, we have been discussing this idea of trauma for several months now. Perhaps many of the dear ones who are new to our programme do not have any familiarity with the term trauma or its meaning. If we could refer back to what trauma means, Brother Arli? Well, trauma is an English term meaning “wound,” but it may not be a physical wound. It refers to a deep wound in the soul and psyche of a person that remains after a bitter and heavy event. This may not be visible on the body, but it exists in the spirit, the mind, the heart, and in relationships. It remains in memory, especially when we talk about sexual relationships, and when this sexual harm occurs, it is very deep; it touches the most profound and intimate parts of a person’s being.

The important point here is that such sexual assault or harm does not mean that the victim is sinful or weak or guilty, or that it is God’s punishment. When you see this picture, you can imagine the pain they have endured and the suffering they go through. So, they need healing, not blame. The main issue is how such a person who has been wounded in spirit and psyche can find healing from these many wounds.

Exactly, as you mentioned, it is very important that we try to avoid blaming the person who has been harmed; in fact, they are not at fault. They need healing. Our culture often encourages blaming; we decide to blame the victim instead of providing them with the support they need for healing. But if we want to follow this topic further, how does this heart wound manifest in the life of a person? I believe there are two wounds at play. The first wound is the wound from the assault itself, which is an emotional wound in their psyche. But the second wound is the shame they must carry; they must hide it, thinking they are damaged, they might feel unclean, and they may think they are guilty. Many victims think they have lost their lives—“I am damaged; I have sinned.”

So, as we said, there are two different wounds: the assault itself is one wound, and then there is the shame and secrecy, which is the second wound, and they carry this with them. Yes, indeed, you are pointing out two wounds: one is the physical wound that they experience because their body has been violated, and the other part is the internal struggle they face—the voices in their head, their own judgments about themselves, or the voices others impose upon them, the shame, the sense of guilt and reproach that others place on them, and other visible signs in society that reflect this heart wound.

We can observe how this affects relationships. The individual not only feels this internally, but their relationships with others deteriorate. They may develop a very negative view of men if the assault was male-perpetrated. They may lose trust; they may have nightmares; they might struggle with depression; they might withdraw; they may feel they cannot interact with others, believing they are no longer a healthy person. What they wanted to be is no longer attainable, and if such a wound goes untreated, it will also affect marital relationships and other connections, making it impossible for them to live healthily in society.

Exactly. What you are pointing out is that a person who suffers from a heart wound and trauma can carry this into their shared life, which can affect the trust within that relationship. They might transfer their bitterness or shame or any unresolved feelings into their children, creating a cycle of trauma in society.

So, we need to work hard to talk about this issue, as we see many other topics arise. It’s not just women who are assaulted; children and men also suffer greatly. There are many men today who perhaps have very painful experiences of these heart wounds from their childhood.

Well, Brother Arli, if we consider that this trauma is not just an individual issue but that society also suffers from it, how does society experience this trauma? I think one very important factor is the culture of silence or the stigma surrounding it. This is a global issue, but in many countries, the issue of honour is so significant that even when something happens to the victim, they may choose to stay silent to preserve their honour. When this issue is not discussed, the wounds can deepen, and when silence prevails, society allows the cycle of trauma to continue.

So, this is a topic that requires more discussion. The ongoing blame or reproach of the victims, in some cases, rather than protecting them, leads to the victim being blamed. They bear multiple wounds. In the end, what does this silence and blaming of the victim lead to? We see that within the community, violence perpetuates, creating a cycle of violence that continues from generation to generation in some areas.

These three things—silence, hiding, and blaming the victim—create a cycle of violence, and society cannot properly grow if many individuals within that community are victims. If we simply look up sexual assault statistics online, we can see that in some countries, the rates of sexual abuse or harassment are alarmingly high, and in some areas, more men than women experience sexual assault, which is completely contrary to the teachings of the Bible that state that marriage is honourable, pure, and beautiful, but it is humanity that corrupts it and inflicts deep wounds within society.

You have made a very good point about the person who is the victim of assault; they are harmed by the perpetrator, and then the people who lack awareness or a clear understanding of the issue may repeatedly subject the victim to such experiences. When you spoke about society, I remembered the first part of the story where God, through Nathan, confronts David about his actions and tells him that the sword will not depart from his house.

This indicates that the wound, the harm he inflicted on himself and others, will enter his house—meaning it will enter the society in which he lives. If we have the opportunity, let’s move into another section. What factors contribute to such conditions in society? What elements come together to create such trauma for children, girls, women, and men?

The abuse of power, position, or authority is perhaps the most significant reason that these events occur. We see this happening in various contexts—homes, workplaces, schools, and other places—where individuals misuse their power or responsibility rather than managing it correctly.

However, another important point we previously mentioned, Daniel, is the culture of silence and shame that leads to more frequent occurrences. When a family or community does not discuss issues related to the body or bodily autonomy, or when there is no teaching or awareness, the natural feelings that arise in children grow without proper healthy boundaries. They do not know how to manage these feelings; they do not know how to respond to them correctly, and consequently, they become vulnerable to exploitation.

In that first part, when you pointed out that people misuse their power, when we enter a patriarchal society, we do not want to suggest that the society is abusive towards God, but when we enter a patriarchal society, we see that men hold positions of power and can limit women and exploit their authority.

In such a society, these types of abuses happen more frequently. We also see that there are individuals in socially influential roles—teachers, priests, reciters—who have positions of authority and can misuse that authority, manipulating their sexual desires unchecked and unrestrained into tools for sexual exploitation.

The individual on the receiving end, seeing that power, position, or authority, feels defenseless. They are forced to submit to the authority figure, and some may feel they have to escape or accept the situation, but how can they confront such power? In such situations, even a child, whether a girl or boy, may find themselves in a position where they do not know what to do, and they have received no education on the boundaries of their bodies—where their private parts are—and no one is allowed to touch them.

And they may believe, "Well, this might be a normal part of life." They might even have a misguided perception that they are at fault, and others may exploit them, leading to deep shame and pain. They cannot be a normal person in society.

This is truly heartbreaking and requires serious attention from families, parents, and our communities to ensure that education is provided for children and that there is support available if a child comes forward, be it a girl, boy, or woman, to share their concerns; they should not be blamed but rather receive support and care. We must ensure that they do not feel punished or shamed for speaking out.

Indeed, if this cycle continues, we see people striving to keep sin away from society while, beneath the surface, we see that even well-dressed girls are being victimised.

So, here we have the issue. First, we discussed the perpetrator, and then the victim and the various wounds they carry. The key is how we respond to those who need healing. A compassionate response can lead to healing, and the individual who is in a position to listen and offer support can play a crucial role.

This person could be a mother or father. If a parent cares deeply for their child, they must think about providing that child with the necessary education and guidance to understand their bodies and what to do if they find themselves in a precarious situation. They should not be afraid to speak up.

Now, our discussion has become quite deep and lengthy, and we want to move on to another section and return to summarise.

People should be able to share their experiences and reach out to others, and the victim should come to understand that they are not at fault. They should be able to free themselves from feelings of guilt and find healing, recognising that they are not to blame.

Exactly, you made a very good point. The path to beginning healing may not seem difficult. Why? Because it is hard. There are significant barriers—shame, culture, and personal prejudices that can arise in a person's mind about how others will judge them or view them or whether they will be shamed and have their name tarnished. All of these can act as barriers.

However, breaking the silence is the first step. If someone can find the courage to find a safe person to share their experiences with, breaking the silence can be the first step towards healing.

And we could talk extensively about the issue of uncontrolled sexual desire and lust within today's society. We could discuss the communities that engage in these practices and those in the Eastern world and our own society, examining the areas where they diverge.

This lack of communication is prevalent. There is no dialogue about sexual issues or sexual health or any related topics. These issues are interconnected, but there are also other factors. The individual may engage in poor habits and misuse the internet, mobile devices, and other resources.

It’s good that we highlighted that one of the contributing factors to trauma is indeed mobile devices, which currently provide highly provocative content accessible to many, stimulating personal desires, and we must also control our impulses and ensure we use these tools appropriately.

But Daniel, I know we are running short on time, but some time ago, we discussed a story from the Bible about Hagar. Do you remember? She, too, was wounded; however, her wound was different. She was cast out, alone, a victim, but in the desert, an angel appeared to her, and what does that angel tell her? God is near to the brokenhearted.

This raises a very good question when we ask ourselves, as many people may be caught up in various “whys.” For instance, they may ask, “Why did God put me in this situation?” “Why did God allow this?” or “Why did my parents do this?” “Why is my community like this?” Each of these questions can hinder a person’s ability to confront their trauma and may keep them from finding healing.

But if they change their questions from "why" to "how," focusing on how they can pull themselves out of that situation, how they can reclaim their right to a good life, they might find a way forward.

It is true that someone may have harmed them deeply, and that harm is serious and profound, but they must continue on. Many individuals have stories of overcoming when they seek healthy support systems and find others who have faced similar situations. They can see that many people have endured serious wounds but have not given up; they have risen and continued forward, finding hope.

Many people have experienced healing and transformation, and as you mentioned, perhaps you are familiar with the American woman Joyce Meyer, who has translated many of her programmes into Persian. She is well-known among Iranians.

Joyce Meyer experienced significant trauma in her childhood, but she was able to overcome those wounds and find healing, rising above her trauma and becoming a beacon of hope for others.

This narrative reflects that through Jesus, we can place our wounds onto Him. This shame does not belong to us; we can let it go into the hands of Jesus, who tells us, “I do not condemn you; go and sin no more.” He does not cast blame; rather, He offers healing.

In the stories of the woman caught in adultery and the Samaritan woman, we see that they too had roles to play, but Jesus came to restore and heal. This can be the sole path that offers us healing.

One last point we previously mentioned is that, in every home, we can create safe spaces for one another.

I believe that the role we can play is vital. Friends, we are approaching the end of today’s programme. There are people who have been wounded and those who inflict wounds, and the reason for inflicting such wounds is often lust. God forgave David, and Psalm 51 serves as a reminder of this. A pure heart is created within me, and the path of Joseph remains open. We can choose to behave like Joseph. If you find yourself in such situations, think of David, who repented, and think of Joseph, who chose the right path. Stay within the safe hands of the Lord.