Obedience or Love in Marriage?

 Transcribed by AI

Welcome to the Light Window programme for brightening your homes. Majd Eidul, the Messiah is coming, Majd Eidul, the Messiah is coming, the sweet breath of someone is coming. Dear friends, we greet you and welcome you to our programme. We thank God that you are watching this programme. We have a question for you; it’s a question we have often discussed: Should a woman always obey her husband? Do you agree with this statement or not? Interestingly, there was a time when we had not yet accepted Christ and we saw that my father would say whatever he wanted to my mother, and she had to obey him. But now that we have accepted Christ, we read in the Bible that women should obey their husbands. However, another thing that has been mentioned, which I did not understand before, is that when it says that women should obey their husbands, it also says that husbands should love their wives. So, the question is, is obedience good? Right? Which is harder, to obey or to love? This is the topic we want to discuss today, and I thank God that Nazira is with us. Nazira, my dear friends, I greet you warmly, hoping that you are happy and peaceful wherever you are. Please follow our programme, and if you enjoyed it the first time, listen again to receive even more blessings.

As Khalid mentioned earlier, we have heard a lot in Afghanistan that women should always obey their husbands, and indeed, Afghan women do obey their husbands. From what we've seen in our families and among our neighbours, women always respect their husbands. Respect, respect, respect—whatever they say, that’s how it is. And for this reason, excuse me, Nazira, just a moment before we started this programme, Nazira was saying that she really didn’t want to talk about this topic. Yes, because I see that as much as possible, our Afghan women always obey their husbands, and as you mentioned earlier, it’s said that they must obey. But when it comes to their own needs, husbands must love their wives. This was not mentioned before. It’s not only written in the Bible; I didn’t want to say this, but before we came to the studio, even yesterday, we discussed this topic. Nazira said that she does not want to talk about this topic because, on one hand, Afghan women obey their husbands, but at the same time, it’s written in the Bible that you should obey. Yes, dear brothers, we say to you that it is only mentioned that women should obey their husbands, and it is also said that husbands should love their wives. We are not saying this from our hearts; it is written in the Word of God, in the book of Ephesians, chapter 5.

Why were you opposed to discussing this topic? Because if a husband is wrong, and his wife obeys him, that’s one thing, but if a husband is not wrong, for example, if he says something that is not fair, there are many things that husbands do that their wives may not agree with. Can I give an example? Well, for instance, husbands often gamble, right? If a husband gambles and loses something, should the wife still obey him? She knows that gambling is wrong and is a sin, but sometimes Nazira and I understand that the problem arises when we want to talk about something, and Nazira wants me to agree that I should do this. Nazira says, "No, I think we should go somewhere and buy something," and she insists that it's a good idea. I agree with her that it's a good idea, but Nazira says it’s not.

You see, God has given us wisdom, and now we understand whether something is logically good or not. The goal is that we should sit down and talk about it. We should think about whether the husband is right or not. For example, I wanted to build a wall, and Nazira always said, "No, no, I think you can’t build a wall; you’ll forget, and the wall will be crooked." Eventually, one day I built another wall, and I was very happy, saying, "Now I understand; I believe you can build a wall." Until we experiment, until we step into the scene, we can't decide that I’m right without discussion.

Husbands should prove themselves to their wives that they can accomplish something good. They can say something that their wives will obey if it’s a good thing. But if it’s a wrong thing, they should not expect their wives to obey them, and wives should not feel obliged to obey. We should sit down and discuss these issues slowly and without fighting about them. There are some things that women are skilled at, and some things that husbands are good at. We need to discuss these things fairly and patiently, which helps us avoid strife and resentment. The Bible teaches us that women should obey their husbands, but as we said earlier, husbands should love their wives. So the main question here is whether obedience is hard. But the main focus is on love. This is the question we need to think about—does a wife need to obey everything her husband says? Of course, with mutual understanding, that is correct.

Is loving the wife difficult for the husband? It is very hard for a person to ensure their wife is happy. Both are hard; both are hard. Because when a wife obeys, it can be seen, but when a husband loves, he must make sure his wife feels that love. It's not just about saying, "I bought her flowers," or "I fixed the house." He must feel it; his wife's heart must be at peace, trusting that her husband really loves her.

But let’s not forget that in a home, there is a head. Even before the Bible says, when sin enters the lives of people, that’s when conflict and disorder arise. Right? Even conflicts arise between Adam and Eve, which still continue today. They always blame each other. A wife blames her husband, and a husband blames his wife. But the Bible tells us that even before sin entered the lives of humans, God had ordained that there should be one head, one provider in a family. Why? Because if there are two heads, that’s where conflict and strife arise. Yes, I believe this is from the Word of God, and I am pleased that God has brought us this truth in the Scriptures. Because if in a family, the wife says, "I am the head," and the husband says, "I am the head," the order of the house is disrupted. The position that God has given to the husband is very honourable, because it’s not the husband who says, "I am the head of the house," it’s from God that He has ordained the husband as the head of the family, and the wife must accept this. But the husband must also accept that he should not misuse the Scripture or his authority to force his wife to obey him if he is in the wrong.

So the goal here is that when we say God has ordained, we should obey God, right? In that obedience, God teaches us and helps us. The God we love, when we consider Him in our lives, is right. We should not misuse each other’s love, but in patience and in the presence of God, we should love one another and obey each other, living a good and fulfilling life. Now we take a moment to return to the Word of God. In the Scriptures, we read that God created man in His own image, and in Genesis chapter 2, verse 18, it says God said, "It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a suitable helper for him." The Word of God has created women as partners, companions, and helpers for us. However, unfortunately today in our country, we see that women face many injustices, and some men, instead of honouring their wives, treat them as mere mothers of their children. But the Word of God tells us that your wife is your partner and companion. Christ teaches husbands in the book of Ephesians that they should love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. God does not say to beat your wives; He does not say to hurt or disrespect them. Rather, God says to love your wives because you are one spirit together. When a man and woman marry, they become one, and they should live in unity and harmony.

May God’s grace be with you. Nazira, would you like to read from the Scriptures? Excuse me, we didn’t start with the men; we should unite. I will read from the Holy Scripture, the book of Ephesians chapter 5, verse 21, which talks about the relationships between women and husbands: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

Wives, submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Love and obedience go hand in hand. When both exist in a marriage, their lives go smoothly. In today’s world, people often misunderstand this. It’s wrongly said that wives should obey their husbands just as they obey the government.

The aim here is that when I see Western women, many people, even from the East, do not obey their husbands. They rebel. Feminism is a movement that claims they will no longer be subject to men’s decisions. They want to do whatever they want. This is chaos. Yes, I have seen this because I see that Afghan women, our compatriots, obediently submit to their husbands, not only to their husbands but also to their parents, their fathers-in-law, and everyone who is older than them. Despite the oppression they face, I said earlier that we are bringing this programme to prevent women from undervaluing themselves.

But when I prayed about this issue and read the Word, I realised that this should not be compulsory. If there are difficulties, they should discuss why they don’t want to obey. One thing you mentioned is that Afghan women or wives do obey their husbands, their fathers, and ultimately everyone who is older, but the Word of God says to obey only the Lord, and no one else. They should not obey anyone else, but it’s essential that women understand how much they are under oppression and pressure, and that the true God does not want Afghan women to live this way.

Correct. It’s often said that as long as we are daughters, we obey our parents, and whatever they say, we must do. While they should provide reasons and explanations, they should not fight over this. A time came when I was taking my daughter to school, and I was very upset with her. I was complaining on the way to school, and finally, she said to me, "Dad, this complaining you’re doing doesn’t help." She said, "If you keep complaining today, it won’t change anything. Better to consider another opinion that is more reasonable, so you don’t keep complaining."

She helped me realise that when I go to class, I get distracted and feel upset. My little girl was right, and I saw that she was completely justified, and I submitted to her opinion. So, if there are reasons, couples should explain their points to one another. Unfortunately, Afghan women do not have the courage to speak up against their husbands.

The term "husband" implies authority, but friends, the purpose of this programme is to highlight the position of women as described in the Scriptures. See how high the status of women is. In times of patriarchal society, history shows that women were often oppressed. But Jesus Christ teaches us that the wall separating men and women has been broken down. The barriers that cause division and strife have been removed. Today, we see families falling apart.

They often refer to single mothers, but children need to see love and learn to worship God. The God we know from the Scriptures is a God who loves both men and women. Furthermore, it’s important to mention that it’s not only women who should obey. People should obey God, and they should obey the government. From whom? From the government. No, we should not obey the government; we should respect it. Some governments are established by God, and that’s a completely different issue.

If both partners obey God, that is where obedience is rooted in love. The aim is that in the Scriptures, we read that Jesus Christ has given women a high status. First and foremost, the first message of the good news of Jesus Christ’s birth came to a woman. God chose to bring His plan of salvation into the world through a woman, Mary the virgin.

There are many names of women that God has blessed and given joy to, and through them, God has accomplished His plans. This is very, very important. It’s not just women who should obey. It’s not just women who should obey. For example, husbands should also obey. Who should they obey? They should obey God. Children should obey their parents.

That was our aim. Right, very good. Thank you for clarifying the topic. Well, dear friends, we see that our programme is coming to an end. We hope you have been blessed. Share this programme with your friends, whether you are married, single, or planning to marry in the future, so they too may be blessed. Until the next programme, we will be at your service. We commend you to the love of the Lord. God is with us. Amen. God bless you, dear friends. God is with us.